"That orgy of wishful thinking that has passed for logic in the present century."

"'9W'Answer to the question: Do you spell your name with a V, Mr. Vagner?"

"Men heap together the mistakes of their lives and create a monster they call destiny."

"It is not enough to be good if you have the ability to be better."

"Courage is the fear of being thought a coward."

"Nobody trips over mountains. It is the small pebble that causes you to stumble. Pass all the pebbles in your path and you will find you have crossed the mountain."

"The richer your friends, the more they will cost you."

"If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear."

"Reality's failure rate is similar to [that of] other barrier contraceptives."

"Education: that which reveals to the wise, and conceals from the stupid, the vast limits of their knowledge."

"One of the simple but genuine pleasures in life is getting up in the morning and hurrying to a mousetrap you set the night before."

"The last thing I have to say is that ice is the past tense of water. I've always wanted to write that sentence and now I have."