"I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to respect."

"Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples."

"The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and have the two as close together as possible."

"Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed."

"If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it."

"You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there."

"No matter how nice the company one might be with, however, it is never pleasant to have a rifle pointed at one's back."

"A man does not sin by commission only, but often by ommission."

"Human excellence means nothing unless it works with the consent of God."

"The first precept was never to accept a thing as true until I knew it as such without a single doubt."

"Die, but do not retreat."

"Water generally flows downhill in this area."