"I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out."

"I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place."

"My girlfriend sleeps in a queen-sized bed and I sleep in a court jester-sized bed."

"Cross-country skiing is great if you live in a small country."

"You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment, and nobody else shows up, and you think maybe that's part of the experiment? I'm like that all the time."

"I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it's going to be up all night."

"Women! Ya can't live with 'em and ya can't get 'em to wear skimpy little Nazi outfits."

"Life is made up of marble and mud."

"Courage is doing what you are afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared."

"Where the people fear the government you have tyranny; where the government fears the people, you have liberty."

"If you would be loved, love and be lovable."

"The price of freedom of religion, or of speech, or of the press, is that we must put up with a good deal of rubbish."